Maakies Batty Grayscale
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  1. Lou Gehrig died in 1941, when Mickey Mantle was a ten year old Oklahoma farm boy. It was Joe Dimaggio who sodomized the rookie Mantle with a Louisville Slugger. Clearly alcohol has caused poor Batty’s brain to conflate the Yankee Clipper’s christening of switch hitting Mighty Mick’s sublime porte with the famed inauguration ceremony Babe Ruth gave the Iron Horse.

  2. Todd Alcottt says:

    Baseball was where I fell out of love with Ken Burns. I got to a point in the first episode where they did a long zoom out from a baseball in mid-flight and the narrator lovingly categorizes the details of the ingredients of a baseball and the manner of its construction, and I said “Fuck this shit” and turned it off.

  3. Johnny Geo says:

    I never thought to wonder what Ken Burns looked like until I read this. Then I checked with Google. You have been too kind, Mr. Millionaire.

  4. Brandt says:

    Dayum! I’d say we’re feeling our oats on this one! I really enjoy the whole “extend-the-arm, hook-you-in” mechanics. “Lemme tell ya’.” Ha!

  5. Kevin Joyce says:

    More “Batty,” please.

  6. John M. says:

    Put Ira Glass in the next one!

    • Scratch N Sniff says:

      Then do the Lake Woebegone fella!

    • TonyMillion says:

      Is Ira Glass a baseball nerd?

      • John M. says:

        I don’t know, but he does carry a tape recorder around. And he has an annoying voice and big glasses.

        It just seems like he would be a good modern-day version of the fat matron who gets in the middle of a pie fight in a Three Stooges movie.

        • TonyMillion says:

          Yeah, maybe, but I like Ira Glass. I like Ken Burns, too.

          • John M. says:

            He knows how to produce a good radio program. He is talented and intelligent. It just would be funny to see him in a situtation where his dignity is overturned. That’s all. I like him too. I just wish him embarassment, not actual harm. As opposed to Rush Limbo or someone, he does good work in the world.

  7. gruff says:

    I barely know who Ken Burns is yet I would gladly shank him in a diner.

  8. K. says:

    I can practically hear the Thelonius Monk Tinkly Piano Soundtrack as I read this heartwarming tale. Keep pressing the attack, Tone.

  9. the Cow says:

    Hey K grow some balls and contact me yourself!

  10. DadaHyena says:

    He may have a Moe Howard haircut, but apparently lacks Moe Howard’s self-defense skills. BONK!

  11. EricF says:

    Batty’s memory must be addled because Lou Gehrig died in 1941. Hardly surprising, though…

  12. EricF says:

    Wow, some more strangeness with your comment board. When I posted my comment, the first three were not displayed. The comments started with Brandt’s. They weren’t displayed until after Mr Millionaire’s post on March 7th. I’m sure of this. I wouldn’t have posted my comment otherwise. Anyone else notice this?

    • TonyMillion says:

      I have to approve the comments or I get a lot of spam. Sorry. Maybe I’ll try it off for awhile, I haven’t got much spam lately. The filters catch hundreds of them.

      • EricF says:

        Nope, I wouldn’t. After a while looking at the dates of the posts and your comment, I figured that’s what happened.

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