I WAS CLEANING THE GARAGE AND PICKED UP A PLASTIC HALLOWEEN TOY BUG…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Stenopelmatus_fuscus_(Jerusalem_Cricket).jpg

It was alive and horrible. It was 3 inches long and squirmed like a baby mouse when I picked it up. It was FAST. It was a “Jerusalem Cricket.”

Horrible.

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32 Responses to I WAS CLEANING THE GARAGE AND PICKED UP A PLASTIC HALLOWEEN TOY BUG…

  1. Darren says:

    A mole cricket, I believe. Kudos on picking the thing up.

  2. Ricky says:

    It actually looks like a rubber toy.

  3. Man, that would be pretty startling! Pretty neat though!

  4. Random Interloper says:

    I have been waging a personal war with Jerusalem crickets/potato bugs since I first moved to SoCal at the age of 11. That was 31 years ago. They are sanity reducing and evil and must be stopped. You should start doing Chick Tract style comics to raise awareness regarding this miserable blight, good sir. Please. Do it for humanity.

  5. TonyMillion says:

    I want to kill them, but only if I can get a laser pistol. Those fuckers are aliens, like outer space aliens.

  6. Darren says:

    You were right… it is a Jerusalem Cricket, not a Mole Cricket.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_cricket
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mole_cricket
    Still… YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED !

  7. JLK says:

    Eeew!! It’s so..plump and unreal and grotesque! Imagine what it would sound like if you squished it! Ugh…..shudder.

    • TonyMillion says:

      It would be like squishing a bat or a tiny kitten.

    • TonyMillion says:

      It really really wanted to live. I picked it up with a paper towel to throw it over the fence, but it squirmed out onto my arm. I freaked and threw it over. It was like a tiny science fiction monster.

  8. John M. says:

    Now I understand that band name from “Love and Rockets.”

    • TonyMillion says:

      What’s the band name?

      • John M. says:

        The character Hopey was in a band called the “Jerusalem Crickets” for a while. The band went on tour and broke up, leaving Hopey and the drummer homeless and unable to get back to California. And on and on. But that was the band name in that story, I think, from the mid-90′s.

        • John M. says:

          Also, it is possible that the “Jerusalem Crickets” was not the name of the specific band that broke up in the story I mentioned. The band kept changing its name. But I definitely remember a panel where Hopey is playing bass and that is
          band name. So, sorry (not really) to anyone (geek) who reads this and knows their L & R better than I.

  9. Adam M. says:

    Also known as the Mormon Cricket. They’re loads of fun to shoot with a .22.

  10. knuclear200x says:

    I listened to their cries in that wiki article. It’s the perfect setup for a horror movie.

  11. kid.chronic says:

    yeah… we have those fuckers in South Africa too – except here we call them “Parktown Prawns” – and the damn things are impervious to just about anything except a direct strike from an orbital nuke…

  12. Ynez Gonzalez says:

    Jerusalem crickets a.k.a. potato bugs a.k.a. niƱos de la tierra were my main childhood fear right up there with Bloody Mary and clowns. Try pouring holy water on ‘em next time. The evil bastards will probably sizzle.

  13. that1guy says:

    What you do NOT want to deal with are THESE goddamned things:

    http://www.insectpod.com/images/20071201_andrew_lin_house_centipede_big.jpg

    “House centipedes” are incredibly fucking fast, and will bite the bejeezus out of you. When squished, they literally explode into a viscous purple smear. Used to see these things in my old apartment in New Jersey, creeped the fuck out of me…one of the reasons I moved.

  14. Neil D says:

    It’s like that famous outer limits, the Xanti Misfits!

  15. Nic Farra says:

    None of these top the Giant Cave Weta
    http://webecoist.com/2010/08/02/animal-gigantism-13-real-life-godzillas/
    It’s why Peter Jackson and Richard Taylor came up with the acronym for the special effects wing of (der-hyuk!) Wingnut.

  16. Karen says:

    I found this blog searching for information about the gross, giant crickets my dog keeps finding in our backyard. It’s good to put a name to these beasts, and I am laughing at your story because I totally relate. My dog hates them and will bark and bark when he finds one, and won’t stop until my husband or I kill it. He is an 85 lb lab! We call them “space crickets” and they are the most disgusting looking thing I have ever seen!

  17. Diana says:

    ewww…thats most likekely to be a Jerusalem cricket…. they are found in some parts of US and Mexico…..according to my mom….she told that when she was a little kid she saw this insect with looking child face and she went near him *it happend during an excavation in the front yard of her old house* and she told me it looked like a child face and that it smiled to her….but my granpa *her father* grabbed a rock and killed the insect……..it turn out they are mean..u see their curios nasty face and the jump on you…and besides they are poisonous…………I found some with my cousin in this abandoned desk in an abandoned classroom in my uncles church….*there were tons of them and we run out of there…..BEWARE!!! KILL THEM!! WITH A LASER GUN!!!

  18. Kayla says:

    My friends and I saw one walking down the street. We thought it was like a spider bee and mutation. But it’s a Jerusalem cricket in other words. The potato bug. Eeekkkk I screamed so loud when I almost stepped on it. It’s HUGE

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