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139 Responses to NEW MAAKIES

  1. TonyMillion says:

    My friend, Dr. Heinrich Dubel, is now in the hospital, quite ill. He is partially paralyzed. This helicopter healing will pluck the illness from him. The subject does not need to believe in the healing, as this is not “faith” healing. It is actual healing. Some healers find themselves in trouble if they don’t immediately cast off the sickness once they pluck it from the patient. The fiend is in a confused state when initially plucked, but it will soon regain its composure and attack the healer if he’s not quick about casting it off.
    More info about Dr. Heinrich Dubel, my good friend “Rosa.”


    Nie wieder wird man Hubschrauber denken, ohne Heinrich Dubel zu denken. – Frankfurter Rundschau

    Heinrich Dubel ist das Bindeglied zwischen Jakob Böhme und Erich von Däniken, zwischen Hugo Ball und Fox Moulder, zwischen Gilles Deleuze und Guy Debord. – Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung

    Der Subtext der Helikopter Hysterie ist die Klassifizierung der Wissenschaften unter dem Aspekt der von ihnen produzierten Seltsamkeiten. – Junge Welt

    Für den unwahrscheinlichen Fall, dass selbst der Möglichkeitssinn überfordert wäre, hat man es immer noch mit einen klasse Geschichte zu tun. Und mit einem begnadeten Geschichtenerzähler sowieso. – TAZ

  2. John M. says:

    Can you cure my alcoholically-enlarged heart?

  3. K. says:

    I should think publishing the URL would _encourage_ the eyeball monster, Tony. How much traffic can you swing? Only the good Doctor knows for sure.

  4. Dr. O says:

    A faith healer ran into his old friend, Tony and asked him how things were going.

    “Not so good, was the pained reply. “My brother is very sick.”

    “Your brother isn’t sick,” contradicted the faith healer, “he only thinks he’s sick. Remember that, he only thinks he’s sick.”

    Two months later they met again and the faith healer asked Tony:

    “How’s your brother now?”

    “Worse,” groaned Tony, “he thinks he’s dead.”

  5. Bristow says:

    All that talk of hate on the “Maakies Museum” thread made me throw up in my mouth a little… so I will only speak of LOOOOVE – you fucking haters!
    First off… I LOOOVE me some new Maakies – hard, fast and often.
    Secondly… the perspective in the first frame is bitchin’ – and I LOOOOVE bitchin’!
    Heal me Doc, goddammit!

    • TonyMillion says:

      You just made it, Bristow! “Throw up in my mouth a little” will be discarded in 2011. Congratulations!

      • TonyMillion says:

        PS There is no hate in that thread or comic, it’s just a fact that it’s hard to differentiate individuals in certain ethnic groups, especially with presented with the ideal models of these groups. Try naming a list of supermodels or Orthodox Jewish men, forget it. The comic was actually meant to point out how these knuckle heads paint their subjects in such idealized form that even their own grannies can’t tell them apart. It’s a slight on Japanese painting more than anything, they look like thesis work from some Design school like RISD or CalArts. Slick slick slick, you might as well be designing cars.

        The scientific community feels that the idea of race is often used by the general public[6] in a naïve[7] or simplistic way, erroneously designating wholly discrete types of individuals. Among humans, race has no cladistic significance—all people belong to the same hominid subspecies, Homo sapiens sapiens.[8][9] Regardless of the extent to which race exists, the word “race” is problematic and may carry negative connotations.[10] Social conceptions and groupings of races vary over time, involving folk taxonomies[11][12][13] that define essential types of individuals based on perceived sets of traits. Scientists consider biological essentialism obsolete,[14] and generally discourage racial explanations for collective differentiation in both physical and behavioral traits.[7][15]

        • that1guy says:

          “Race” is nearly a uniquely American cultural construction, formulated primarily to justify the crime of slavery.

          In the ancient world, few cultures made what we consider to be racial distinctions. The world population was so small during those times (<250 million or less) that such discrimination would have drastically affected human biodiversity; in practical terms, a hot chick is a hot chick, and if her skin color was different you probably wanted to fuck her even more.

      • Bristow says:

        Thank you, thank you! Finally… someone who understands me!
        I’ve been unable to shake that phrase since that chick said it to me after our romantic encounter in that alley in Azusa.

  6. that1guy says:

    ‘Wuppa wuppa chukka thukka wuppa.’

    LOVE it!

  7. Heinrich Dubel says:

    Tony Millionaire is a genius. His healing actually works.

    Just now my doctor informs me, that it will not be necessary to exchange my blood through the blood-exchange-machine, and that in one week or so I will be transfered to the rehabilitation clinic to work back up my ability to walk. Progress is slow, but steady and good.

    As I said: Tony Millionaire is a genius. Thank You.

  8. Stu Mead says:

    Rosa, You are going to defeat this fiend! Your fire burns strong, illuminates Berlin.

  9. Heinrich Dubel publishes since 1999 an ongoing remix of his acclaimed research work
    HELICOPTER HYSTERIE at our small publishing house MAAS MEDIA
    He is a well known erratic researcher and Radioman at (search for Heinrich Dubel and DJ Officer, Officer podcasts)
    He and Tony Millionaire as well a Maas Media and the world wide neoist conspiracy are huge bondings makking this illness (FIEND) looking like a weak tiny fly.

  10. Adrian vom Hove says:

    fuck off fiend….leave heirich alone!

  11. Man at Wayne Newton show in 1975 says:

    I gotta fungus on my tuchas! Can ya make it all bedda?

  12. H E A L – I – C O P T E R

  13. birgit says:

    rosa! rosa! rosa!
    rise! rise! rise!

  14. Kitty says:

    Es wird nicht mehr lange dauern und Rosa wird wieder zu Fuss durch Berlin laufen!
    Das wird Anfang des Jahres 2011 sein!

  15. Paul MacDonald says:

    Some people consider Alcoholism a disease, “Physician heal thyself” ????????

  16. Paul MacDonald says:

    Wait you did say a person has to want to be healed ?

    • TonyMillion says:

      No it doesn’t matter if the person wants it. What matters is if I want to heal him. If I don’t, I just won’t do it. It’s physical medicine, not fairy tales, even though it can be done through a comic strip.

  17. Steve Morell says:


    You are gonna make it !!! You´ll get the fiend out of your body !!! I believe in it !!!
    You are strong like a mountain !!! You are THE Mountain !!! Just believe it !!!
    Nothing can destroy you !!!

    I am / was suffering on Epilepsie, they say it´s also incurable and went kind of over it / kind of live with it .. it is possible my dear friend when you believe in it !!!

    I believe in YOU

  18. RubberCrutch says:

    Tony, I’m at a disadvantage since I don’t know German, or any of the people who are chiming in here, and for other reasons too. But after following your work and reading your books for years, my current assessment is that you’re a beautiful, sensitive monster who is one of the rare people in this world who never feels the need to lie. So my default reaction is that I believe you without the slightest idea of what mechanism may be behind it. And I’ve read the big book by Manly P. Hall, too. One toys with the idea that you may be our era’s instantiation of the Francis Bacon/Compte St. Germain entity. And if so, that would be really metal.

    • Bristow says:

      Yeah – what RubberCrutch said!

    • TonyMillion says:

      Rubber, it doesn’t matter a fig if you believe me, and I ain’t the era’s instantiation of nothing. I can heal, that is all. And I can draw like a crackerjack. No brag, just fact.

      • RubberCrutch says:

        It does matter to *me* whether you are telling the truth because if you are, then you are reliably reporting on “paranormal” aspects of reality that are dismissed without thought by self-described “skeptics” and most (but not all) “pedigreed” scientists. So all I’m saying is that I believe you’re accurately reporting on interesting phenomena that aren’t yet proven by science or accepted by closed-minded people. I understand that you’re not trying to brag or to convince anyone of anything because I’m certain that you have no need to do so. However, I feel it necessary to point out that you forgot to put quotes around “fig.”

      • Paul MacDonald says:

        You are o k you are no Tenniel, Denslow, or Frost, but you are o k !

  19. TonyMillion says:

    I can also close my eyes, see a clock and tell you what time it is. Daylight saving messes it up some times, but I can do it. I can also go to sleep and wake up at any specific time with no alarm clock, exactly to the minute.

    • RubberCrutch says:

      I too have the internal alarm clock; just used it this morning to wake up 2 hours earlier than I normally would. Also, over the past 5 years I seem to have developed or been infected by a highly reliable female repulsor capability—not a nice “state of affairs.” I wonder if your healing capabilities account for your ability to drink massive quantities of alcohol without disabling your liver (which you have paid tribute to in previous work) or your ability to function as an artist and family man.

      • Bristow says:

        What’s so remarkable about drinking massive quantities of alcohol without disabling your liver and maintaining the ability to function as an artist and family man? Didn’t and don’t all the greats? I know I strive for such excellence.
        The healing powers and internal alarm clock stuff? Way beyond my realm. I just go with the flow, baby.

      • TonyMillion says:

        I get tests often, fortunately I have (very expensive) health insurance. My liver is a bold guardian of my health.

      • TonyMillion says:

        >>I seem to have developed or been infected by a highly reliable female repulsor capability

        I can heal that.

        • RubberCrutch says:

          Tony, if you would do that it would mean more than I can adequately express. This has been a vexing period of my life. Lots of positive developments have coincided, but I’m completely at a loss regarding this “curse.”

      • TonyMillion says:

        Have you noticed anything happening lately? It should be kicking in any day now.

    • paul macdonald says:

      I am a baby? your response was akin to crying ” i hate you big meanie”!!
      besides being a baby isn’t all bad, lying around in a shitty diaper, having food thrust at you when you squawk, your needs always taking precedent over everyone elses, wait did I say being a baby aint all bad, or being alcoholic, sounds the same sort of !

  20. dag says:

    ROSA ! You’ll make it! love dag

  21. Bristow says:

    HAPPY NEW YEAR to all you freaks! May your 2011 cup runeth over with the mind altering substance of your choice.

  22. Heinrich Dubel says:

    The sheer importance of Tony’s work in general and also in his special endeavours in this case of healing the findish sickness that has befallen me is his absolute reliance in the fact of the matter. He is a no-bullshit-guy. He speaks the truth, his actions are not only righteous, but right.

    • RubberCrutch says:

      While I can’t testify from personal experience about the veracity of the claims being made, I have no reason to doubt the claims. Tony isn’t selling anything, and I’m certain that he doesn’t need personal validation from the masses. Self-described rationalists and skeptics can tell me nothing definitive about the mechanism of the placebo effect even though there is a trillion dollars worth of biomedical research that documents it as real and statistically significant. The placebo effect works for some who have “faith” and some who don’t. The issue of faith in this sort of “Fortean” phenomenon may be irrelevant even if “rationalists” feel that interjecting faith into the discussion constitutes some kind of knockdown argument that disproves the claim. Anyway, best wishes to you, Herr Dubel.

      • TonyMillion says:

        I don’t like the word “placebo” in this case because it infers that absolutely no medicine of any kind is being administered, that the patient is being tricked into healing himself.

        • RubberCrutch says:

          Science has to name the phenomenon something for purposes of discussion. But I agree that the commonly understood meaning of the term is that people are being “fooled” by a sugar pill. Something real is obviously going on, but science is baffled by the mechanism. I’m sure we could learn more about it from our Neanderthal cousins than from Eli Lilly or Merck.

          • that1guy says:

            The interaction between human consciousness and the body’s autonomic functions is fascinating and mysterious. As thinking, communicative beings, it seems that we require symbols of some sort to stimulate autoimmune/autorepair for many ailments: i.e., a pill, a ritual, etc.

            Regardless of the language used to describe the phenomenon, it is no less ‘real’ in its effects than active pharmacological therapies. The only way to frame it all is pragmatically: if it works, then it is valid.

            “It means that the human brain is complicated, and we don’t know much about it”– Heinlein, Time For The Stars

      • Paul MacDonald says:

        Jesus you millionaire ass kissers are multiplying !

  23. Paul MacDonald says:

    Yeah that’s great heinrich ,how much do you charge for a shoe shine?

  24. Paul MacDonald says:

    Why is there a limit on what you can cure Tony? this ‘ power’ as it is, does not rely upon what we would traditionally call the ‘common healing process’, ( no hands on) if you say see your doctor as well, I agree! however then, what you are doing relys upon the faith of the patient every bit as much as faith healing! and of course you can claim success at any time!

  25. Paul MacDonald says:

    I am not calling you a liar of course Tony , I think that this is so speculative you could be let us say, misguided?

  26. Paul MacDonald says:

    Then again I know from experience Magick works! but not all the time.

  27. Bristow says:

    Tony… I have “faith” in you, okay? So I “believe” you can heal me, okay?
    I have an erection that has lasted for over 4 hours… you know like the one they say is a negative side affect of male enhancement drugs? Only thing is… I’ve never taken any of those. The freakin’ thing just popped up! I wasn’t even staring at the photo of that long-legged minxish pilot stark naked in front of that helicopter on the Dr. Dubel link you so kindly provided for us.
    What should I do? Can you “heal” me? Please let me know as soon as possible because it’s New Year’s Eve which could be a dangerous time to be walking around with such a condition.

    • TonyMillion says:

      I will absolutely not heal that.

      • Paul MacDonald says:

        You are not crazy about my responses tony? is it because I disagree with you? or that You may have to question yourself and that’s baaaaad right?

        • TonyMillion says:

          You sound like Diana, my Dad’s ex-wife, the teen counselor. A real wit.
          Likes to start “psych” fights. Guess what, she’s disliked.

          • paul macdonald says:

            Don’t care about being thought a ” wit” but I am certain I could be! as for being liked are you still hung up on popularity?

  28. Paul MacDonald says:

    I was hesitant at first leaving any kind of post or interacting with you because I enjoyed your MAAKIES very much, and 9 times outta 10 connecting with your heroes usually ends up a bad experience, that ruins what you liked about them in the first place. Todd Rundgren met all of the Beatles through time and found it unpleasant all round this can spoil what was once a good listening experience with bad memories, but, luckily you are not my ( or anyones I would guess) hero!

  29. Bristow says:

    Well, if you’re going to channel rage… who better than Moe’s.

    Long live the Stooges!

  30. Ricky says:

    ThereÈs been a serious lack of Gabby and Drinky as of late….. just sayin….also, Ièm drunk (and my keyboard is french).

  31. TonyMillion says:

    You can’t really just dismiss a guy as a troll when he plays acoustic guitar with the amazingest fiddler-maker in the woods of Nova Scotia, “O.A T.”
    I’ll post a video of him talking about cutting down the Fiddle Tree and building musical instruments, but out of respect, not till MacDonald gets out his Moe.
    Paul MacDonald turns out to be a remarkable person. The fiddle video is fascinating if you like that kind of thing, which I do.
    Sorry about the Google, I had to do it, glad I did.

    • Bristow says:

      Post it now! Post it now!

    • paul macdonald says:

      You are an incompetent googler I do play some acoustic, if you liked music i could turn you on to some great acoustic players, Davey Graham, Bert Jansch, Adrian Legge, John Renbourne, John McLaughlin, Big Bill Broonzy, Robert Johnson! don’t really care for fiddle music, probably heard too much growing up , violin, classical, Jazz, or Indian and some middle eastern is another story! wanna hear more!?

      • TonyMillion says:

        I love all these guys. I was raised on Bert Jansch. Jack Orion. My parents used to sing Ian and Sylvia songs round the campfire, playing guitar and banjo, then I discovered John Fahey etc.

    • paul macdonald says:

      I am not from Nova Scotia, but I did see Ravi Shankar in concert there in’ 86 i think it was, saw Paul McCartney there last year great spot Halifax!

  32. Bristow says:

    TM, what time zone is this thing (website) in? It’s 10:30 a.m. where I am, yet when I post is reads 5:30 p.m… that’s 7 hours ahead. I don’t have the gift of internal clock as you do, so it’s confusing the hell outta me.

  33. that1guy says:

    Tony, perhaps you’d care to take on a chronic condition of mine. I am now entering the twentieth year of suffering from IBS and other colonic problems (to the tune of four surgeries over the past ten years.) Nothing has afforded me permanent relief, and in fact it has a major negative impact on my life…even sleeping is a formidable challenge.

    I’ve missed more work than I care to think about over the years, to say nothing of missing out on many enjoyable situations/activities that I must avoid if restroom facilities are not available. If you can drive this fucking ass-demon from me, I would be beyond eternally grateful!

  34. paul macdonald says:

    Hey Tony ever have pink sock? can you cure that?

  35. paul macdonald says:

    How about musty bearded clam can you cure a case o’ that?? were you Paracelsus in another life? ever read C’G’ Jungs paper on Para celsus ??? do you read anything other than your own comics? ” spread out’ ” go on pick two” ” Why i’ll murdelize ya frog head” uh oh Moe lives!

    • TonyMillion says:

      I don’t read much comics anymore, I read them as a kid. I’m more partial to real books. Leo Klein told me, only read classics, that way you’ll know you’re reading something good.

    • TonyMillion says:

      I can cure bearded clam, but the lady in question will have to clean it herself. I recommend hydrogen peroxide and Lysol concentrate.

  36. Adan says:

    How do you stop codeine and alcohol dependency?

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