MAAKIES micro-brew

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Tony Maakies~ Budweiser is the KING OF BEERS!! Bow to your king.
Monday at 12:18am · Like · 5 people

Scott Libs~ Only pompous asshats who stick fingers up their ass to get to sleep at night drink microbrews. What about Lowenbrau? I remember seeing my folks drink it all the time, every bar had a sign out front, and that damn lion just plain looked badass. I wouldn’t fuck with the Lowenbrau Lion. Ever.
Monday at 1:20am · Like

M Otis Beard~ Hey Scott Libs; Go drink your shitbrew out of a big dick.
The reason Bud sucks is because of Prohibition. First it wiped out America’s brewing traditions, then it got people used to the idea that anything that didn’t make you go blind for more than fifteen minutes was “the good stuff.” By the time Prohibition ended, people were willing to drink damn near anything. . . and the only people who could afford to jump into the newly restarted market with both feet were big moneyed corporations who don’t give a shit about making BEER because they are focused on making MONEY instead. Bud and beers like it are made as quickly as possible with the cheapest possible ingredients (rice does not belong in any beer worth drinking).
If your palate is so unschooled that corporate piss-lager tastes good to you, then fine, stay that way if you wish. It’s no skin off my ass. . . but when you fuckers get uppity and start asserting that your post-Prohibition business-class dreck is actually BETTER than a good microbrew made from quality ingredients by people who actually care about making good beer, then it’s time for you to be told to shut the fuck up.
Monday at 1:54am · Like · 4 people

Scott Libs~ nobody read your post. you just wasted 10 minutes of your day that you’ll never get back. also, when your balls drop, you’ll understand why your betters drink domestics. if you want to be a picky bitch about taste, drink wine dipshit. leave us men to our beer.
Monday at 2:20am · Like · 2 people

Lliam Dominic~ you fuckasses need a lesson in whiskey
Monday at 2:25am · Like

Greg Bishop~ Is someone drinking around here?
Monday at 2:40am · Like

Tony Maakies~ This is not about wiskey, and it’s not about grassy, hemp-smelling “beer” that tastes like a shitty soup made out of horse feed. It’s about the King of Beers. Budweiser. I don’t care that the Belgiums “bought” it, it’s the same good sweet rice beer that you can drink 15 of and get good and drunk and still draw on. Budweiser is for good cartoonists. You drink it, see? You have taste tests at Breweries surrounded by barrels of hops and fucking yeast, you nancys. This beer comes out of a can, into your stomach. The can goes out the window of a fast car. Then you drink more and then you go fuck yourselves. Budweiser is the King. Don’t pansy foot about your hors doueveres tastey yum yum bran muffim soups. Drink Budweiser and shut the fuck up. And don’t bring Bud Light, I hate to tell all you firefighters and Policemen, but that beer has water in it.
Monday at 2:47am · Like · 4 people

M Otis Beard~ Tony, you and Scott should just stop all the posturing and preening and go ahead and put your tongues in each other’s asses now. There’s nothing wrong with being a homosexual, even if the two of you are exceedingly lurid and depraved specimens. . . you don’t have to hide it behind a lot of tough talk about bad-tasting blue-collar working man’s brew.
Since your veneer of heterosexuality seems to be slipping, may I recommend that you step up to a malt liquor in order to dull your inhibitions enough to finally get the hawt gay sex you crave so badly? 211 STEEL RESERVE would be a suitably masculine, low-brow choice. . . 211 is the police code for a robbery in progress, and it says STEEL right there on the can, so you guys can muffle your swish in gangster swagger as you make your way to the tea room or the hourly hot tub rental place or the 25-cent arcade with the glory hole or wherever it is you guys do your beer drinking.
Monday at 3:05am · Like

Tony Maakies~ Here’s what I think about your corporate-beer speech, T. Opus Beard. Take some horse manure “road apples” off a dirt path, roll them up with some chaff and some wet hay a pig has been sleeping on, rip open a cow’s four stomachs for the undigested grass and oats it’s been munching on, pour in a bucket of 1/3 hippy piss 1/3 hillbilly piss and 1/3 hillbilly hippy farmer piss. Brew in a big shiny brass pot with tubes sticking out. Pour the mess into specially designed flavor glasses on a bar with polyuerthaned wood, brass rails and green tinted lanterns, grow a goatee, put on a slick hipster shirt and pour that shit down your throat. Wait till firefighters, union boys, and sock monkeys come in with rocket-propelled grenades to blast your fucking heads off, steal your money and go to the supermarket for fresh cold cans of BUDWEISER, the King of Beers, watch them with your severed heads as they peel out on your wreckage, throwing empties out the window left and right.
Monday at 3:10am · Like · 1 person

M Otis Beard~ ‎Tony, I’m having a hard time seeing your instructions in my head. Maybe if you drew me a diagram. . .
Monday at 3:14am · Unlike · 2 people

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53 Responses to MAAKIES micro-brew

  1. TonyMillion says:

    I drink Bud because I’m working class, I’m working on a buzz.

    • efurman says:

      Budweiser? Only rich asshats drink that. Waaaay too expensive. Icehouse and it has a higher alcohol content to boot. They advertise that shit right on the can. That way you know it’s classy.

  2. TonyMillion says:

    Thanks to Beard and Libs and all who contributed to this fine debate. I WIN!!!!!!

  3. Gil Smith says:

    I like a dark brew, but I’ll take Guinness or a good Mexican beer to organic hippie piss. I once drank a beer from Whole Foods and it tasted like cow farts.

  4. Ben says:

    You make a persuasive case. On the other hand, some of the fancier beers are brewed by monks. Monks!

  5. Bill says:

    Reading the comments on the top page made me go to the fridge and grab a can of bud! (And that was after a bunch of vodka!)

  6. Spike Vrusho says:

    One word. It is on the label. “Drinkability.” You either have it, or you don’t.

  7. Bristow says:

    Fantastic argument! Too bad there’s not a YouTube to accompany it.
    Tony, when you say Bud…you’ve said it all. I am now going to have one for breakfast!

  8. John M. says:

    Nice Chevy Nova in the last panel. Also, beer is good. People who argue that some beer is good and some beer is bad don’t really like beer. I never turn down a beer for reasons of taste. Maybe reasons such as I can’t get drunk right at the moment and don’t want to start, but I would never turn down a beer because I think it tastes bad. It’s beer! It’s good!

    • DHooligan says:

      I won’t turn down a beer that’s offered by someone who doesn’t look like they’re trying to rape me either, but light beer (ALL LIGHT BEER) tastes like shhhhhhhit.

    • TonyMillion says:

      I would not turn down a beer of any kind if I did not have the ability to purchase a fine 12 pack of Budweiser the King of Beers, which I do. Nice call on the car, but it is a Chevelle. Saw one drive by the pizza joint that day so I Googled it.

      • John M. says:

        And I owned a 1972 Chevelle SS! Damn me to fuck!

        • John M. says:

          Also, the beer section of my comment was not so much participation in the debate, which I find humorous, and not an expression of opinion about what beer people do or don’t like, which is, whatever, a matter of taste. I am more thinking of bandmates who turn up their noses at free fucking beer at a gig because it’s the wrong kind. Which I know is not exactly on point but still pisses me off, except to the extent that it means more beer for me. Which is good.

          • TonyMillion says:

            If you’re playing a guitar and you’re turning down beer you’re a folk musician.

          • Desmond Wolfe says:

            It is actually an unwritten rule that you are allowed to turn down a free beer at a gig if the beer in question is “Coors Light“. Turn it right down the promoters collar.

        • TonyMillion says:

          Beautiful car.

    • efurman says:

      Except for Michelob Ultra which I will pass on even if n0 other drink is available. That shit truly tastes horrible and you need to drink about 20 to even begin to catch a buzz.

      • TonyMillion says:

        I almost feel the same way about Rolling Rock. It tastes like mushrooms grown in an old lady’s underpants.

        • Joe Annaruma says:

          well, I’ve actually eaten Mushrooms Out of an old lady’s bloomers, and I must say that you are mistaken. rolling rock is missing the heady and delightful musky aroma of old lady panty-shrooms! RR is closer in taste and aroma to bum piss squeezed from a rancid sponge and strained through a Chinese-made sock monkey which has been soaked in fish cheeks and stink bug semen. It is an acquired taste to be sure.

  9. jwbalsley says:

    I always just hate some snobby fuck-rat telling me what I SHOULD like.

    Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one, (except the mutants, godbless’em!)

  10. Ian says:

    I can’t believe you’re using those road apples.

    No taste, man.

  11. tbone says:

    you do realize that probably over half of your readership (and in all the alternative weeklies) are probably craft-beer drinking hipsters, right?

    i drink craft brews and also brew my own, but fuck yeah if i don’t drink a budweiser when the mood hits. PBR was also a working class beer, i wonder what you think about hipsters drinking that now

    i guess i like both that might make me The Great Uniter!

  12. Mike says:

    Fuck. God loves us – he gave us beer. Who gives a rat’s ass hat whether it is a fine and fancy micro brew or Pabst Blue Ribbon!

  13. Kevin says:

    Why argue about how to get under the table, when getting there is the point anyway?

  14. Nic Farra says:

    At least no dickhead has had the temerity to say ‘everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.’ FUCK that! In 1919 NZ almost passed prohibition. The absentee soldier vote came in overwhelmingly in favour of BEER. No fascist referendum was going to deprive them of a drink after Gallipoli, Passchendale and the Somme.

  15. Tyke says:

    I love to drink me some microbrew…. a good pale ale from FootHills … or a Peoples Porter…..Fat Tire from New Belgium. And, at the end of the day, what I piss out is …Fucking Budwieser…….

  16. TonyMillion says:

    Why are we in italics now?

    • K. says:

      I think we’ve been drinking too much… the font grows unsteady.

      Not sure why you prefer corporate cowpiss to a good homebrew, but whatevah. Maybe you just prefer lagers to ales?

      • TonyMillion says:

        Maybe I just know how to show respect for my King and maybe when it comes to the unsteady “font” if you mean my “lettering” I know enough not to bit the can that feeds me.

        • K. says:

          I’m talkin’ about the italics, you belligerent boozesponge. Your so-called “King” is a tin flavored Despot; leaving me with a terrible case of the shits everytime I have stooped to consume him. Leave your ice brewed ways and come over to the Ale side, Tony. You have nothing to loose but your brains , uhh, I mean, chains.

      • TonyMillion says:

        Firstly you must always implicitly obey orders, without attempting to form any opinion of your own regarding their propriety. Secondly, you must consider every man your enemy who speaks ill of your king; and thirdly you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil. –Lord Admiral Nelson
        So don’t speak ill of the King of Beers, or whatevah.

  17. Darren says:

    Hey… to change this pissy conversation a bit, I wanted to pass on a new brew discovery. I was in VT last week and came across a Maine brew called Allagash. Never had it before, but quite nice. I had the one that was a Belgian style. Worth a try.

  18. MRNUTTY says:

    Come for the severed heads, stay for the beer.

  19. Pandy says:

    Who would question the providence which sustains us?

  20. Grib says:

    Brothers and sisters, macros and micros, yellow fizz and dank brews with IBUs: we all pray at the church of booze. These factions will not sustain us in our fight against the Drys and their insidious machinations against the pleasures of drink. Let us join together and link arms [because we can not stand on our own] and sing, in the words of that old spiritual “Drunk at last! Drunk at last! Drunk as a poet on payday, I am drunk at last!” Amen.

  21. NMmatt says:

    I second Kevin’s insight…

  22. Martin Olson says:

    My new favorite thread while drinking.

  23. Betty says:

    Sure I drink both kinds, but I’m no Rockefeller, so I mostly stick to cans. I’ll tell you what kind I won’t drink. You couldn’t give me a Belgian beer. Apparently when monks aren’t all sitting around twiddling each other’s twats, they are creating hundreds of different kinds of beers which magically all taste like toe jam and ass. Fuck that shit.

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