I GOT THE CRABS new Maakies

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34 Responses to I GOT THE CRABS new Maakies

  1. Bristow says:

    I’ll bet you and those free crabs had a helluva time hitch-hiking from SF to Florida.

  2. will c. says:

    Madness! Great comic as always, Tony. Hope the boys are better at this point.

  3. John M. says:

    You got crabs from a kid in a clinic? Many years ago I made up a very similar story to explain my crabs to an old gf. Something about my filthy little nephews having lice and infesting my sheets. I didn’t know that my story was so… plausible.

    • TonyMillion says:

      You think I wouldn’t rather brag about getting crabs from a pretty girl?

      • John M. says:

        Of course I don’t think that. Especially not a pretty one. But the similarity between how you actually got crabs and my story was remarkable. I’m not lying. Anymore. To you.

  4. NMmatt says:


  5. Darren says:

    Wow… in 1975, you could not afford a$2 bottle of medication.

    Fast forward… a man who laughs at poverty, drinks liberally, is an accomplished artist and sells artwork to a faithful following.

    You are truly Tony MILLIONAIRE ! The American dream !


  6. Warren says:

    Shave it smooth. Works every time.

    • TonyMillion says:

      Could not afford a razor, nor did I have a sink. Nor underpants, nor another pair of pants, nor a shower.

      • luckydog says:

        More Russian novel than American dream, and a great American autobiography is beginning to unfold, should have given them some Flaming Tokay.

  7. Ivan says:

    That story is very similar to an episode in a Bukowski book. I think the book was “factotum”

  8. Bristow says:

    Second look today. I really enjoy these “Real Life” stories. You eluded to one of them once as being boring (?)… or maybe you were agreeing with someone’s comment – can’t remember, but I love’em! Keep stacking them up and before you know it you’ll have your memoirs… in comic strips!

  9. Ricky King says:

    These true story comics are pretty good! All my funny stories involve arguements with the cashiers at Dairy Queen!

  10. jonathan bloom says:

    Tony, I love how the toilet is laughing at you!

  11. Todd Alcott says:

    :( They weren’t talking crab lice.

  12. efurman says:

    Tough little bastards. They’re survivors.
    Maybe he should have been “Liceman” instead.
    Way scarier….

    • TonyMillion says:

      Unbelievably strong species.

      • that1guy says:

        Not a lice story, but closely related. One day my mother pried a tick out of my brother’s skull. They are pretty much impossible to squash if not filled with blood (my brother never did have any blood going to his brain), so she dropped it in a styrofoam cup filled with rubbing alcohol.

        Next day, the damn thing was still crawling around the bottom of the cup…and I swear it was pleasantly drunken to boot!

        • TonyMillion says:

          We used to pick them off our dogs and sometimes our own necks. We smashed them with a hammer. With a crab louse, you smash it between your thumbnails in a rolling motion till you feel it pop. Very satisfying.

  13. jwbalsley says:

    Did the crabs eat the ball skin or did you discard it yourself?

  14. Tom Hyland says:

    Surely you’ve heard of the tried and true method of eradication?? Shave one side of the infected area, light fire to the other… and when the little critters come running out… you stab them with an ice pick. Really now… I did have the same affliction, back in the mid 70′s also… must have been a stronger herd roaming the nether regions back then. I tried a $10 bottle of totally defective medicinal shampoo. A week later the buggers were still thriving. I stood naked in the bathtub. I sprayed myself down with good ol’ RAID… it is death to ants, spiders, wasps… you name it. It DID sting but it didn’t cause skin loss. I stood there dripping with poison for about 5 minutes then I turned on the shower and cleaned myself off. The bugs were gone forever.

  15. Nic Farra says:

    I lived in a warehouse in Dunedin with a guy named Curtis who wrote strange plays about old people going on benders and musicals that featured “the joyful chorus of the grasses” and “the fly’s love-song to the dogshit. He and I got arrested for trying to saw down a disused powerpole with a rusty crosscut we found in the shed at the back of the warehouse. Our court appearance during technical week for the first show of the new season was heard before Justice Sieman,a theatre board member, who on hearing the bones of the case against us, said “So, been on the razzle, have we?”

    Reality so kicks arse! And boo to all those fuckers who deride Pekar! I fart in their general direction!

  16. Zack Mieth says:

    Yeeaaah… I had a case of the scabies once. :< Not gewt. Not gewt. Awesomely enough, I never had to use poisons or anything like that. Teatree oil did the trick… Well, not really. Neem oil is what did it. And bathing. Lots of bathing. Good God, man, what awful creatures. I wonder if the Earth ever considers dumping a buncha oil all over us.

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